Monday, September 16, 2013

Brother, can you spare $13,000 ?

Okay, here's the deal:
I love mechanical watches.
I love Swiss watches.
I think that Panerai watches are very cool. 
I would love to own one.
Except for one thing.
I stopped at my local Costco, and saw this on display:
 
When you buy any high-end Swiss watch, you are carrying out a willful suspension of disbelief.  You are an adult who has chosen to go the same route as a 10 year-old who chooses to continue to believe in Santa Claus, in order to keep those Christmas gifts coming.  The bargain works like this: in order to justify spending several thousand dollars on a watch that is less accurate than a quartz watch from Hong Kong, you explain to yourself-and anyone else who will listen-that this Swiss watch is made of the best materials.  It is made of the highest quality metals.  Its movement is made with precision parts (also made of high quality metals).  It is highly waterproof.  It glows in the dark.
It is functional, and beautiful.
It is awesome.
Here's the thing, boys and girls: You can only carry this illusion so far, before someone in the crowd shouts, "The emperor has no clothes!"
I will now be that person.
Despite my love of quality Swiss watches, I am appalled that the Panerai 1950 GMT is almost $13,000.  It is not worth it.
Okay, I get it: 20 years ago or so, the high end watch companies decided that Swiss watches would no longer be nice watches; they would become items of conspicuous consumption.  Okay, but if you're my doctor, my lawyer, or my real estate agent, and you show up wearing a $13,000 watch made out of stainless steel, I'm gonna get up, and walk right out of your office.
Take a look at this Victornox GMT that costs a couple of hundred dollars:
 
Now, take a look at this Panerai GMT that I found for sale on the internet: 
 
So...what's missing from this picture (besides your $13,000)??? Well, how about markers for the 24 hours that this alleged GMT is supposed to help you keep track of?  HELLO??? The Victorinox has the 24 hours marked on the watch dial, which leaves the rotating bezel available for other functions-in this case, you can count down 60 minutes in a dive.  Excellent.  Most GMT watches have the 24 hours marked on the rotating bezel, like on this beauty:
On the Victorinox, we can see that it's 2:00 where we are, and 10:00 a.m. somewhere else (the wearer's second time zone).  On this Rolex we can see that it is 10:00 where the wearer is, and it's 10:00 a.m. where he is, so he just wants to know if it's 10:00 a.m., or 10:00 p.m. i.e. 22 on the rotating bezel.
Very nice.
So, what about the cardiologist wearing his Costco special Panerai GMT?
Beats me!  He just paid $13,000 for a watch with a little white arrowhead for a fourth hand that points at nothing.  No numbers for the 24 hours of the day on either the dial, or on a rotating bezel.
In plain English, Doctor, you paid way the hell too much for that stainless steel watch.
"Yes, but it's a Panerai.  They're very rare.  They don't make very many of them."
In that case, here, buy my Ollech and Wajs 3095.  It's easier to read the time on it, it's water resistant, it glows in the dark, I get compliments on it all the time, and there are less of them out there than there are Panerais.  I should go onto eBay, and offer my 3095 for $26,000.
If rarity is a consideration, why not?   You can't drive to Beverly Hills (or Costco, ha ha ha) and buy an Ollech & Wajs, the way you can buy a Panerai.  You have to buy it directly from Switzerland.
Come to think of it, I want $39,000 for my 3095.