Luminox: Marketing Success & Brand Failure

First, I'm going to explain what the hell a Luminox is, and why you should care. 

LUMINOX is an American brand of watch that has a lot of the parts made and assembled in Switzerland.  Their watches are radioactive, so they glow on their own 24 hours a day.  They are also waterproof.

Luminox's selling point is that they are the watch of the U.S. Navy SEALs.  Doesn't get more manly than that!  The problem with that is (1) Luminox has no history as an official supplier of watches to the U.S. military.  In the blog entry in which I talk about radioactive watches, we can laugh at the bullshit on one web site that gives the history of Luminox.  As a health physicist who works with radiation, I see they don't know what they're talking about.

Okay, I'm gonna stop saying 'waterproof' now, and tell the truth:

There is a concept out there that there is no such thing as a waterproof watch.  In the past, watches that could be submerged while the wearer was swimming (at whatever depth) had the word 'waterproof' engraved on the back, or front.  Due to the passage of various standards and regulations, manufacturers aren't supposed to print that on their watches any more.  Instead, they are supposed to put 'water resistant' preferably with a rating of how deep the watch can go under the surface, without imploding (As you can imagine, water inside a watch will make it stop working, and if you wait a couple of days instead of running straight to the watch repair guy at the mall, the parts will rust.  The guy who bought my Heuer 200 meter dive watch from me swam with the crown unscrewed {I will explain what that means, later}, and gave it back to me, rusted.).  Thanks, Keith.

Okay, back to Luminox.  If you have read my entry about radioactive watches, you will now understand why a watch with radioactive + luminous hands is awsome--in my mind the best choice.  So what makes Luminox watches (okay, the idea of Luminox watches) the greatest thing since sliced bread is that they are waterproof, and brightly glow in the dark 24 hours a day.

Here's the problem:  their watches suck.  Seriously.  They have one watch that I would highly recommend, and it's one that I want--but they should just throw the rest of their products into a ditch.  They have a whole line of watches, and I could shoot them all down one-by-one, by pointing out their shortcomings.  Instead of shooting down their entire on-line catalogue, I will discuss the two Luminoxes that I do own.  The complaints specific to them apply to most--if not all--of their other watches.  When I refer to a part as being radioactive, that means that there is a radioactive Tritium-filled gas tube mixed with glow-in-the dark paint, providing 24 hour self-illumination:

The cheapie black plastic watch (on the left side of the photo, above, of 3 watches) is the one that's supposedly the military issue Luminox, the 3001: 

Good Points:
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1) The hour, minute, & second hands are all radioactive, as are the hour markers.
2) The Zero Minute marker on the rotating bezel is radioactive.

Bad Points
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1) The crown does not screw down.

2) The caseback does not screw in.

3) The rotating bezel is very hard to turn.  The rotating bezel--which is used to time how long you have been under water--on any dive watch should not be easy to turn (you don't want it to slip, and give you the wrong amount of time), but it should not be this hard to turn.

4) The crown is very hard to pull out, when you want to set the time.  I have to use a pair of needle-nose pliers, and I'm an adult male without arthritis or other medical problems.  This may explain how Luminox rates the watch as 200 meters water resistant; the crown's stem may be so tight as it passes through the case body, that water would have a tough time sneaking by.  There could also be one or two rubber O-rings on the stem.

Points 1 and 2 are absolutely crucial for a watch that is supposed to be a waterproof military watch.  Let me put it this way: I wouldn't go diving with a watch that lacks screw-down parts.

If you're not familiar with the concept of a screw-down crown or case-back, here's what you need to know:  When Rolex sells itself as a waterproof--whoops: water resistant--watch, they refer to their watches as being oysters.  In this case, what this means (and also in the case of other Swiss and Japanese dive watches who don't use the term oyster) is that the body of the watch can be closed off from the outside world, or shut tight.  Imagine having a plastic soda pop bottle.  The only way that water can get in or out of the bottle is if you unscrew the bottle cap.  Now imagine that the other end of the bottle is now a big screw cap that can unscrew, and allow access to that end of the bottle.  The traditional bottle cap end is analagous to the crown, where you wind up the watch, and set the time & date, while the wide, fat end of the bottle is where the watchmaker installs the watch movement in the factory, or where your local watch repair guy opens up the watch to clean and lubricate it. 

Both "ends" (on a watch they're at 90 degrees to each other) of the watch case have rubber O-rings that seal the deal.  Their job is to make sure that even under pressure, no water gets in.

Here's the problem: you need to make sure that the crown is screwed in, properly, when you are wearing the watch.  If the crown isn't screwed, it's an open door, and water will get inside.  It is your responsibility as the watch owner to obsessively check the crown.  The caseback, by default, is closed, because the only people who ever open it are watch makers or repair people.

What about the crystal, where I read the time?  Can't water get in that way?  Yes, it could, so they use a crystal of strong enough material (and shape) to resist the water pressure, and install it using special tools.  It's a locked door into the watch that can only be opened by specialists.

3) Take a close look at the logo and writing on the back of the watch.  It's a cheap sticker, and they didn't even slap it on there neatly.  Ouch.

Getting back to points 1 and 2, especially point #1:  If Luminox had merely called this watch a military watch, I wouldn't say anything, but to imply that it's a Navy SEAL watch--when their job is to scuba dive into places in order to sneak in unseen--that does not have a screw-down crown is unforgiveable.

Okay, now let's look at the stainless steel watch:

This one (see also the middle watch in the photo at the top of this page) is much better built.  Note that the caseback is crew-in.  Unfortunately, they didn't go the last step of also making the crown screw in.  What were they thinking? 

Good Points:

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1) Good quality stainless steel.

2) The rotating bezel turns smoothly.

3) Overall, the quality of the hands and dial are very good.  This watch looks well-made.

Bad Points:

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1) The second hand is not radioactive.

2) The Zero minute marker on the rotating bezel is not radioactive.

3) The crown does not screw in.

4) Mineral glass crystal.  These crystals get scratched up, big time. I have seen a lot of different Luminoxes on men's arms that had scratched-up crystals.  Unbelieveable.

This watch's Zero minute marker is highly representative of everything wrong with Luminox watches.  It is a half-assed wimpy, watered-down compromise.  They should have gone all the way to one extreme, or the other.  Either the Zero minute marker should have been radioactive, or it should not be luminescent at all (like the second hand).  Huh?  Or, as another watch blogger once said, a big bucket of "WTF?"  Marathon, who really are official suppliers of watches to U.S. and Canadian uniformed services, and NASA, decided not to make their SAR (Search and Rescue) watch with a luminescent Zero minute marker.  They merely put a triangle that lets you know, "This is when I went under water."  Several other high-end watch companies have gone with this solution.  I asked a Marathon distributor why Marathon did that, and he answered, "No military necessity."  It's actually not specified in ISO 6425, but the military folks may actually feel that it truly is unnecessary--perhaps even undesireable.  But then again, maybe they just decided that if the military didn't specify it, then they're only going to make it according to what's in the standard, to avoid pissing off government purchasers. 

So what?

Well, the problem is that Luminox put a cheapo luminous dot on the Zero minute, and it (1) degraded very quickly, after I purchased it, and (2) it does not glow nearly as brightly as the radioactive markers on the rest of the watch.

In other words, it's useless.  It's useless because if you are somewhere dark, and look at the watch on your wrist, the bright radioactive markers will overwhelm your eyes, and keep you from seeing the much dimmer Zero minute marker.

Who cares?  Well, they may be called dive watches, but that rotating bezel is used to time all kinds of events, not just how long you have been under water.

The worst offender in their catalogue is a now-discontinued GMT watch that has a 4th hand--a 24 hour hand, so you can know what time it is in Djibouti--that is painted with wimpy, non-radioactive, low-end luminous paint.  Same goes for the rotating bezel.  On GMT watches the rotating bezel does not have zero to 59 minutes (so that you can keep track of when you spray & washed your laundry), but instead 1 to 24 hours of the day.  Since a GMT watch's purpose is to keep track of world time, why would you (a) put a luminous marker on the 24 hour spot, and (2) use cheap luminous material to mark it???

Needless to say, this watch's second hand is not radioactive. 

Somebody shoot me.

WHERE LUMINOX AND THE GOVERNMENT BOTH GOT IT WRONG:

All of Luminox's currently produced watches, along with a good number of other Tritium (radioactive) watches from other companies have quartz movements.  That's okay.  There are lots of reasons why someone (or some organization) may want a quartz movement, including (a) higher accuracy and (b) no need to wear it or hand-wind it to keep it running.  Why ask for a mechanical movement?  Well, you'll never find yourself on vacation in rural Hawaii/hiking Mt  Eyjafjallajökull in Iceland/under the Arctic Ice Cap on a nuclear submarine and suddenly scream, "My watch battery died!"

The one Luminox that I would want, and may actually buy one day is the 6602 in titanium, with a matching titanium bracelet.  That, or the same exact watch in stainless steel although it looks like--in their infinite wisdom--they discontinued the stainless steel version.  I have worn the stainless steel model on my wrist: it is gigantic, and very heavy.  Lots of watch purists don't like titanium watches, but in the case (no pun intended) of a watch this big, decreasing the weight substantially is worth it.

They have come out with a new watch, the 1501, which has all of the features that I ask for, above, but they still managed to do it wrong:  Yes, it is automatic (self-winding), and the second hand and Zero minute marker are radioactive (as are the hour and minute hands on all of their watches), and it even has an outstanding feature that Luminox has not had before: a helium escape valve.  But they made it in a style that could be described as "sporty".  You can't wear this watch at a business meeting, or a wedding.

OH, MAN,  THEY GOT SO CLOSE.  THEY ALMOST MADE IT, AND DROPPED THE BALL AT THE 1 YARD LINE!

Keep trying, Luminox, keep trying.  You'll get it right, one day.

Interestingly, another company got it right: Ball Watch Company.  Apparently, they make radioactive watches with radioactive markers in all the right places, and nice mechanical Swiss movements.  They even have a distinctive style that doesn't scream "Rolex Wannabe" (We'll ignore the fact that the Rolex Submariner, in turn, is a rip-off of the French navy's Blancpain 50 Meters).  Ball's GMT watch has a radioactive 24 hour hand.  Awsome.  Problem is, they cost as much as the other high-end (read: luxury) Swiss watches. Darn.

That's my only "complaint" about Ball watches: I can't afford one.

What do I want from Luminox?  I want them to make one dive watch, and one GMT watch with matching steel bracelets, and  a mechanical movement e.g. Swiss ETA 2824 and 2836 movements or the corresponding Japanese Seiko movement(s).  These 2 watches should be in stainless steel, 200 meters water resistant, with a screw-down crown, and screw-in caseback.  Sapphire, scratch-resistant crystal.  All markers should be radioactive, no combinations with luminous dots.  The dive watch should be $600 retail, and the GMT should be $675.  A verison of the diver with a helium escape valve and deeper rating could go for $950.

If I had a watch that fits the description, above, I would buy it, and it would be my one-and-only watch, that I wear all the time.  What do I do, now?  I wear my Ollech & Wajs 3095 on a leather strap in the office, and I wear the Orange Monster at night, and when I work in the ER on the weekends.  When I go camping, I wear the Luminox 3001.  Oy, vey.